Evolution

I started this blog at the beginning of the year (January 2, to be precise). I think it is safe to say I've changed a lot in the past 8 months. If you notice, my profile is sporting a dandy new nick name (I'll explain later) and I've managed to broaden my horizons by quite a bit. Not everything that's happened has been good but all of it has made me a stronger, better person.
I guess I'll just start from the beginning!

On January 27th I reconnected with a kinky friend I had met via collarme a couple years ago. We'll call him tom. Tom and I went out for drinks, had a great time and went back to his house for some kinky fun. That night I was introduced to foot worship and needle play. Both were types of play I had been curious about but never tried. From then on tom and I grew very close. We became intimate play partners. A couple weeks after our initiial date, he introduced me to his local kink community. I instantly fell in love with the group. I had finally found a place to call "home". I connected with some amazing wonderful people.

For the next six months, tom and I would continue to enjoy each others company. We began exploring some edgier types of play including needles, blood, breathplay and most importantly staples. The first time we played with the staple gun he used it to staple my pussy closed. Oh my GOD it was sooo fucking hot. He proceded to text a picture of my stapled pussy to several members of our group and from then on I've been called staples. The name stuck so much that I even made that my fetlife handle.

I thought my relationship with him was moving forward nicely. We weren't seriously romantic or "in love" but the chemistry was there, I cared for him deeply, he called me his girlfriend often and I was under the impression that we were in a monogomous relationship.

Alas I was apparently wrong! Three or four months into our relationship an ex came back into his life. They were just friends and she was in a tough spot and he felt like he should help her out. She started staying with him and his family due to a lack of other living arrangements. Prior to her returning to his life he had confessed to me that sometimes he felt he still had feelings for her. I expressed my concern about the ex and my place in his life and he told me everything would be alright. My first clue that things weren't alright should have been when he told me that if he ever started dating someone else he would make sure that whoever he was dating knew that there had to be time for me in his life. However I ignored that comment as just his funny way of saying he cared. Anyway two months ago I was preparing to go see him and spend the weekend with him. We had plans to attend a party at a friends house. I hadn't seen him in nearly a month and I was so excited. I called to tell him I was on my way and I would meet him at his house but he told me he was already at the party. I thought nothing of it. I arrived at our friends house, passed around hugs, exchanged greetings and then set out to look for him. I couldn't find him so I asked our hostess where he was. He was outside so I sat on the couch to wait for him. Thankfully our hostess is an observant person. She slipped up and whispered in my ear "you know he's here with ______ right?" My heart instantly crumbled. I just looked at her kind of wide eyed, shook my head and said thanks for telling me.

I had to find an excuse to go out to my car or I was going to start bawling right there in front of my friends. I instantly called my mom and told her what was going on. I had driven two hours and was NOT about to just turn around go home. I was there to have a good time and visit friends. Mom helped me cheer up. I asked her to tell me a joke so I could walk back in the house laughing. I did my best to hold it together but in the end I had a really rough night.

Thankfully I had a great group of friends to surround me that night. He and his date left early at the request of the hostess and I proceeded to get insanely drunk. I cried, drank, laughed, cried, drank some more and finally puked my guts out. But it was on that incredibly horrible night that I realized that despite the fact that tom turned out to be a complete and utter jack ass he had give me a home that might not have otherwise found.

I haven't had to see tom since that night but I've managed to expand my horizons even more. I've tried fireplay, explored my bisexual sice, made some great friends and just Saturday night I was suspended for the first time and introduced to what electrical play feels like.

Last night I bought the supplies and an instruction manual to help me delve into the world of artistic needle play. I'm also purchasing my own staple gun since the one I was using belonged to my ex. Now, I just have to find some volunteers to explore it with me!

I'm sorry that a good partnership came to an end but I'm very glad that I am a part of a wonderful group of people that can love and accept both of us.

I have absolutely changed as a person. I'm evolving as a submissive/bottom and as a person in general.
I still have down days where I listen to depressing music, drink wine and cry about being alone but I always manage to find my smile again and I know that despite the fact that I go to sleep in an empty bed, I am definitely not completely alone. I have friends, family, and most of all God to support and love me.